Five Days of Wendy Oldbag
by QTrain
Summary: Wendy Oldbag's doctor gives her a notebook to write about all her problems. So being the stubborn person she was, uses it to scheme and find ways to win Miles Edgeworth's heart.
1. Prologue

**Hi people! So this is my first, real fanfic. I've done other collabs with my awesome friend, SixelaNinja. Anyway, I hope you like the story! **

The doctor called for Oldbag, her slightly insane patient. The doctor pondered over the thought quietly and flipped through her notebook. Things always had to be disastrous when it came to Wendy Oldbag. She sighed loudly and rubbed her temples, massaging her soon-to-come headache.

When Wendy Oldbag was called into the doctor's office, she knew it was bad. She had always thought that it was completely normal for someone to stalk their true love, but  
>her doctor interpreted it differently.<p>

True love meant that you would stalk your true love until they admitted that they loved you, but her doctor took it as strange and abnormal and spewed out baloney to her. She would blab on and on about how love was when both people cared deeply for each other and would do anything for them. To Oldbag, that was plain dumb talk.

"It will show you that true love does not mean to stalk someone," her doctor would tell her over and over again, "and after realizing that your depiction of true love is wrong, you will forget about this... She trailed off, unsure of what her true love's name was.

"Edgey-poo or Edgey-boy"

Oldbag smiled, a dreamy look plastered onto her face and a blush tinting her wrinkly cheeks.

"Wendy Edgeworth, Miles Oldbag, Mrs. Wendy Edgey-boy..." Wendy muttered under her breath.

That earned her one of those, _you are completely mad _looks that Oldbag learned to get used to. The doctor sighed loudly, "Looks like the headache just kicked in..." She mumbled slowly, a frown appearing on her face. "Ok...? Edgey-poo..." The doctor said slowly, while Oldbag sighed happily, lost in her own Edgeworth dreamland.

It was basically a one week journal, meant to vent out all of Oldbag's feelings and thoughts about Edgeworth, but to the truly stubborn Wendy Oldbag, it was a way to make up plans to gain Edgeworth's heart. Her doctor didn't need to know that though...

_Why would I, Queen Wendy, need a journal? _

At first, Oldbag thought that it was the dumbest idea, then realized it was a way to win Edgeworth from that whipper-snapper, Franz...,whatever her name was, von Karfish. Oldbag cackled loudly then flipped through the pages again, starting to make up a plan.

**Ya see that little review button down there? I hope you press it. :) I know this chapter was super short, but I promise the other ones will be longer. If you have any ideas, I would LOVE to hear them. That's how I improve. Constructive critism is welcomed!**


	2. Day One

**Hi again! VOILA, the second chapter. R&R :)**

Dear Diary,  
>Today, I was positive Mr. Soon-to-be Oldbag, was going to propose to me, until that old German hag came along and ruined the whole thing. Everything! I was determined to marry Edgeworth in Africa, with all the animals. I even took up a dumb security job where he worked... It didn't work out too well. So let's begin the story before I clean out my gums later.<p>

I found out my darling Edgey-boy, was going to be visiting the precinct where all the whipper-snappers always "hung" out. I didn't usually visit the smelly place, but I had a mission to win a heart.

So I applied and got in easily, though it wasn't much of a surprise, I stalk-, I mean followed my Edgey-boy around everywhere. Following him, meant getting a low paying job. I can't even buy some decent Samurai Dogs anymore.

Anyway, I walked around, glancing up at the clock every couple minutes in case Edey-boy walked in. Some whipper-snappers looked at me weird. It was perfectly normal to hide behind a bush for you one and only love. I heard the sliding doors opened and it felt as if heaven had opened its gates. There came in my true love, Edgeworth, followed by a walking tootsie roll.

He didn't even notice I was here.

Edgey just walked straight by my plant, talking to that von Katfish. "That seems utterly foolish!" "You can't simply cut his paycheck again!" That Katfish just seemed to know exactly how to bug me. I crouched behind the tree, well, as best as I could with my bad back. Give me some credit, I _am _already thirty... Edgey didn't seem to notice me.

He talked to some people then exited. I moved quickly, following him with my ray gun in case anyone tried to disrupt my plan. Edgey-poo got into his car, fumbling with the keys.

"Ngk..." My heart seemed to flutter uncontrollably. _Oh Miles Oldbag.._ I slowly opened his trunk and climbed in. The ride was bumpy. Edgeworth seemed in a rush and quickly drove to his penthouse. I never really got a chance to find out where he lived, but now, I would never need to. Edgey-boy closed the door and I crept out the trunk, hiding in bushes and trees when he turned around.

The penthouse was so spacious. Much better then my senior center. The house had high roofs and plenty of places to hide. Perfect. Silk curtains covered the glossy white windows. The senior center was full of loners. At least I had a love. A true love.

I dozed off behind the couch while Edgeworth removed his ruffly thing, put it on the table, and went upstairs. My heart pounded uncontrollably. I crept out from behind the plush couch and crawled over to the ruffly thing and picked it up, sniffing its scent. _He won't mind if take this.._ I tucked it into the pocket of the stuffy security outfit and moved upstairs.

Not only was my future husband's house big, it was elegant.

The walls were painted a deep, romantic shade of purple that I learned to love. My favorite color was a purplish pink because it reminded me of Valentine's Day back in high school.

I was always the girl that got asked to dances first and always had dates. For all you whipper-snappers that don't believe me, I happen to be called Queen Wendy. After seeing Edgey that faithful day when he wore his professional-like suit, I knew he was the one for me.

Anyway, I followed him into his bedroom, every once and a while ducking behind his pots and plants in case he saw me. I passed portraits of him that lined along the wall, hoping that one day, I would be there with him. I heard a door open and I peeked from behind.

The double doors were made of mahogany and they closed with a thick _boom_. I straightened up my back and winced at the sickening crack. _Sheesh, being sixt- I mean thirty is so much work._ I heard some soft snoring coming from inside.

I put my hand on the knob and turned it slowly, opening the door just a crack to see what was going on inside. And by the way, I am certainly not a stalker. Just madly in love. _Oh..._ Snapping out of my dream, I pushed the doors all the way open and stepped inside.

The room was enormous. The walls were still a magenta hue, but on the other side, tall windows were covered by velvet curtains.

The floor was nicely carpeted and there was even a little sitting room. On the left, there was a walk-in closet and on the right, laid my husband, well, future husband.

The bed was a king sized, perfect for someone else... I pulled one of his plush chairs by his bed and watched him sleep for one more hour.

"What in the world?" I woke up and rubbed my eyes, looking at Edgey, who had just woken up. He stared at me strangely.

Maybe he thought I was an angel sent from above. "What are you doing in my house?" His voice rose louder and he looked like he was about to faint at any moment. My eyes glistened with happiness. "Are you happy to see me?" I fluttered my eyelashes and clasped my hands together.

"How the heck did you get inside my house?" Edgeworth looked around, probably inspecting for any broken windows.

"I followed my heart and it took me to you," my cheeks flushed deeply, "It's not like I jumped into your car and watched you sleep...heh heh heh."

He shot me a glare and fumbled with his hands as he pulled a phone out of his pocket. "Are you going to get me flowers! Aw... Edgey, you really know how to make a woman smile!" "I really need your help. I an in quite a..."

Edgeworth glanced at me with either happiness or disgust, "unique situation and I need your help immediately." I decided to go with the first option and say that it was happiness. There was a groan on the other end of the conversation. _He must've bought me quite the flowers!_ Edgey-poo put the phone down and rubbed his hands over his eyes.

I was really starting to enjoy the silence. We had been waiting for the arrival of the flowers for nearly ten minutes already. Edgey-boy looked like he was going to die of happiness, probably from being around me, Queen Wendy, for so long. I just loved it because I got to stare at my fiance before out wedding that he needed to legally agree to first. He finallly sat up and tapped his fingers on the night stand, glancing at the door.

"What kind of foolish problem has aroused now!" The doors crashed open, gusts of wind blowing through the room. Edgey's eyes lit up and he sighed in relief. "Is that the flowers you ordered for me?" I jumped out of the chair and turned around and there stood the most hideous sight that I had ever laid eyes on. The von Karma.

Her arms were firmly planted on her non-existent hip and her whip was wrapped around her hand. "Hello Miles, it seems that you have once again sucked yourself into another situation with this foolish one." Franziska's eyes flickered towards me and her lips curved up in a smirk. "Thank goodness you're here. What took you so long?" It was true. I had followed her home one day to make sure she didn't have posters of Edgeworth in her house like I did.

It was only about a five minute drive from here. "I stopped by the prosecutor's office to retrieve my book that I needed three days from now." Edgeworth just nodded absently then shot a glare at Franziska. "If you need it three days from now, why did you get it today?" Franziska avoided his piercing stare and just looked around the room.

looked back and forth between them, taking in the silence of the room. "Did you bring the flowers?" All the stares directed back to me. "What?" Franziska looked amused and my husband was horrified. "Why would I do something as foolish as to bring flowers to you? Never mind." She closed the doors behind her and sat down in the nearest chair, straightening out her skirt.

"Help me with this," he racked his brain for a word. "Beautiful princess, majestic savior, or what about Queen Wendy?" I finished for him, while his glare pierced through me. "No, oh I got it. Help me with this hideous creature." He smiled happily while Franzshiskabob wrapped her whip around her wrist while she glanced over at me and Edgey. "This situation is quite petty for my taste, little brother." Edgeworth sighed and rolled his eyes unhappily. She finally got up from the chair and placed her hands on her hip while she gave me a strange look.

"Now, should I whip you or call the police..." Her voice trailed off while she inspected her whip carefully, turning it around in her gloved fingers. I smiled at Edgey. He was going to defend me. No doubt about it. Okay, maybe there was a one percent chance for doubt, but nothing more. I had faith in my husband.

Manziska's hands tightened on her whip and she flexed it over her head. She flicked her whip as it cracked against the wall behind me. I yelped dodging it and standing near the door. She whipped it at me and that's when I came home and decided to write in my journal.

Tomorrow, I knew what to do. I wouldn't let that cotton candy ball get in the way of my plan for the wedding.

See you soon, diary.  
>Wendy Oldbag<p>

**I hope you enjoyed my story. Let's say, if I get five reviews, I'll update in three days. If I get less, I'll update in a week. Simple, right? Remember the little button down there. See ya!**

**Lots of Love**

**QTrain**


	3. Day Two

**I'm so thankful for the reviews! I know that I got less then five, but they were so nice and helpful, that I really want to thank you all! I'm also really happy for all the other people that sent me a PM and helped me.**

**SixelaNinja: Thank you so much for your help and the criticism!**

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* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

I can barely believe that I'm writing in this notebook again. My arm aches, even more than usual. It's a long story, but it involved chicken wings, a chair, and a mustache. As much as I ache, I wanted to write in this journal again. I thought I did a pretty good job on my other entry, if I do say so myself.

I had seen it as I was walking down the hall to my room.

There was a fat potato walking by with a fat mustache on his face. I was still thinking about how to find a place to work without people recognizing me. If I had a hairy mustache like that, no one would recognize me.

"Excuse me, who are you?" The man looked at me, twisting his mustache absently. "...I'm your neighbor. I have been for twenty years." _Oops..._

After that incident a couple days ago. For those lazy do-nothing whippersnappers that cut right to day two without reading the prologue or the day one, I had been nicely escorted out of Edgeworth's penthouse.

Fine, I was whipped out, but we can leave that detail out.

So anyway, I quit my house at the precinct and instead worked at a restaurant near my senior center.

It wasn't some fancy schmancy restaurant that those rich people go to (Fatskabob comes to mind) It was just some old little place. A diner you could call it. Of course, with my failed resume, I applied as someone else.

How does the name Freddie McHouston sound? You're probably thinking why I didn't just pretend to be a girl. L

et's just say it didn't cross my mind in the spur of the moment.

I put on a brown weird and went to a make-up salon to make myself look like a man. I won't repeat what the make-up artists said. Bad memories...

So once the pain was over with, I applied and got the job.

"You can start by busting tables." He threw me a towel and turned around, leaving me confused.

_Busting tables..._ I was about to bust some of the table when Edgey came in.

I felt my heart beating super fast... I should probably see my doctor about that.

I wanted to get his attention, then realized, I wasn't Queen Wendy the Great, I was Freddie McHouston, the boring guy. Wonderful, right? No. Edgey-poo walked past me without talking to me. Maybe if I tried to talk to him, he would notice me.

"Hello there. What would you like to order today?" Edgey sat down at a table. I cleared my throat, catching his attention.

"I'll just have some tea." I nodded my head, making sure not to drop my wig while I was at it.

"Is that it?" Edgey nodded, clearly trying to shoo me away.

I came back as quickly as possible and dropped the food off at Edgey-boy's table. He muttered a quick thanks and I plopped down in the seat next to his.

"Hi, there. Don't you recognize your own fiancé?"

"Do I know you?" He peered up at my name tag. "Freddie McHouston? Are you a worker at the precinct?"

I glared at him. "It's me, Queen Wendy!" I would've taken off my wig, but then again, I did not have time to curl my hair this morning.

"Ngoh, not again..." He reached down to whip out his cell phone and I immediately stopped it. "Manager!" Edgey stood up and walked over to the counter and spoke with the manager while I pretended to be a man because, well you know, I was Freddie.

"Who's Oldbag, I'm Freddie, from..." I wandered off, thinking of a place, "Kentucky!"

Edgey gave me a _shut up _look and I twirled my mustache. "Get out!" The manager pointed at the door and tapped his foot.

It wasn't the best idea to run from him, but hey, expect the unexpected. I ran through the restaurant with the manager and Edgey-poo at my heels.

I ran around tables and maneuvered through the chairs. That was about the point when the manager picked up a chair... He chucked it at me and I dodged it, hiding behind random whipper-snappers that happened to come by.

The manager was close to being done chasing me out, but of course, another disaster had to come... Who would've thought that I, Wendy Oldbag, would be taken down by flying chicken wings. I can doge chairs and angry managers, but not chicken wings.

Let me quickly summarize this whole situation before I go to play bingo with the other good-for-nothing seniors. The manager chucked a nearby chicken wing at me and it knocked me on the head and I fell over a chair and hurt my wrist. My wrist hurts just thinking about it... Oh well...

Wish me luck,  
>Wendy Oldbag<p>

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><p><strong>And there ya go! I know its kinda short, but I really wanted to get something up there. I hope that you click the little review button, 'cause, yaknow, reviews make me smile. Plus, I PM everyone that reviews me! Well, until next time...<strong>


	4. Day Three

**Hi my awesomely amazing readers! :) I'm super happy to present you with the next chapter!**

Dear Diary,

Have you ever thought that the man of your life didn't love you back? Well, too bad, because as you can tell from my other journal entries, Edgey-boy truly loves me...in a special way.

Maybe he just doesn't like showing it, but for your information, he once brought me flowers. Okay, fine, they were wilted and I picked them out of Edgey's trash can, but they must've been for me to find. I should hurry up and start writing now, for all you young do-spankers out there.

And before I forget, always read the fine print, always.  
>Edgey has been going through some tough times, but I knew that he loved me though. I decided that I should speed up the process.<p>

I mean, love is one of those things that you can force.

Just because some people say that love takes time to develop, I disagree.

When your doctor tells you that you can die any day, you won't believe that either. So anyway, I decided to make a love potion.

Of course, I'm not witch (no comments are needed, thank you very much), so I did what every young whippity-snapper did these days.

I went on the Internet. I forgot what that searchy website thing was. Was it Hoogle, Joogle, or Gogle? I typed in Hoogle. Never doubt your first choice (or your first love).

I scanned the page of , taking in the info and all the boring stuff. I typed in love potion into the search thingy and waited.

The info popped up and I skimmed it, writing it down in my notebook. Huh, the ingredients were...strange.

I packed the love potion in one of those pink, little flower containers.

It sure didn't smell like a potion. It smelled...strange, but it didn't matter.

As long as Edgey bout me red roses and a new curling iron, I would be happy. And don't forget the wedding in Africa.

It wasn't hard to make the potion, after all, it was squid ink and other stuff I would rather not mention, but I needed to find the perfect timing.

I couldn't just storm into Edgey's enormous house and shout, "Hey, Edgey-poo, I'm gonna make you love me with this love potion!"

I wanted a perfect time to put it into his shampoo. I wanted him to live with me in his penthouse, instead of this old dump.

I knew that Edgey was working the entire day today. Don't ask me how I did it, but let's say that I can fit behind the tree in his office that has perfect view of the schedule.

I snuck into the window that I had broken in order to get in before. Since his house was so big, it was pretty easy finding a window that he wouldn't notice, get destroyed.

I crawled in and looked around, inspecting the room. I inhaled the Edge-like scent and stalked off.

Let's get one thing clear right now. I'm not a stalker.

I'm just desperately in love, duh. It's not like when you open your closet or look under a rock, I'm going to be there.

Maybe.

There might be a chance, but most likely not. I was just err... looking into the marriage arrangements to speed things up.

That's all.

I looked around and found Edgey-poo's bathroom.

It smelled like the perfume I wore to cover up my...interesting scent. I picked up his shampoo bottle and inspected it, turning it around and around in my hands.

I smiled evilly and fumbled around in my pockets, looking for that bottle of the love potion.

I unscrewed the top and poured it in, mixing it in. I closed the top and put it back inside the shower and quickly ran away from my soon-to-be mansion house thingy.

Let's keep things short and simple right now. It's pretty obvious what happened. I messed up, someone is mentally scarred, and the marriage is postponed.

So, let's have a run-down of what happened after my little adventure.

Turns out the website, is a website for hair dye and the real website I was looking for is called Google.

Wonderful, right?

No.

And to make my long list of screw-ups even better, love potion is a type of pink.

For those that haven't picked up on where this is going, Edgey's hair is now pink and is gonna stay that way for at least a month.

I figured all this out when Edgey showed up at my house, his angry, red face, matching his hair.

Looks like the wedding's going to have to wait... Oh Edgey. Ow ow ow.

Wrist...is...cramping.

Bye, owwww,  
>Wendy Oldbag<p>

**Sorry, it's so short, but I wanted to have something up there. BTW, I'm happy that I get to talk to you guys and get to know you guys better! Remember to review!**


	5. Day Four

**I'm super sorry it took me longer then usual to put this up, but I hope you awesome readers enjoy it! Thanks so much Apollo Fell For An Angel for the awesome idea! :)**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, they all belong to Capcom. **

Dear Diary,

I know that from my last diary entry, you're all worried about precious me! You all must be so concerned about my wrist, but you can stop worrying.

I'm all fine, thank you very much. So anyway, I might've gone a little overboard this time, but don't worry, I'm not going to get arrested...hopefully.

Let's get one thing super clear right now, I don't usually jump to conclusions. Fine, sometimes, but not often. I'm the calm and collected Wendy Oldbag, except when you blow my top.

So warning for all you trouble whatcha-ma'call it makers, never make me angry. It's not a pretty sight.

I was going over to visit my beloved Edgey for our forbidden love affairs.

After all, we were like those couples that are restricted from seeing each other and must meet in the pouring rain.

I would do that, but my hair gets all frizzy and puffy and it would scare Edgey-poo away. Not that I don't do that now...

So while I was crawling through my little entry way, I heard two people mumbling.

So being the calm person I was, immediately thought it was the I-love-my-hair-blue-because-my-real-hair-color-is-a-disgusting-ugly-color-and-won't-attract-men lady. I.L.M.H.B.B.M.R.H.C.I.A.D.U.C.A.W.A.M. for short. Murderous thoughts came into my head, giving me another migraine.

Wonderful.

"When can we meet for the discussion?"

"Your foolishly petty needs obviously do not match my work"

"But we need to discuss the fact that you can't continue to cut Gumshoe's salary!"

The voices were soon shouting at each other and I jumped to conclusions.

Keep in mind, I only jump to answers sometimes. This was one of them.

So I assumed what every other normal person would. They were going on a date and Franzy was rejecting him. Then, cutting Gumshoe's salary was a code name for a marriage proposal! I was so smart!

I sat there for about another ten minutes before the hag decided to go home.

I needed a plan to stop their marriage.

I wasn't sure what to do. Plant a goose in her home? No. Make chickens lay eggs in her bed? Too hard. Cart her off onto a plan to Antarctica? Doable, but not effective enough.

How come I kept coming up with such simple plans.

I needed a big plan. I huge one that would kill off any relationship they had.

Heh heh, I feel so evil! Can you imagine me, the hug-able (please, no hug is wanted), nice, caring Wendy Oldbag, thinking of such bad plans?

Of course not! Then, it was like lightning had struck me. I finally had a plan.

Cotton candy's car was disgusting. It was so expensive and terrible. Sure, Edgey's car was expensive too, but at least he could pull it off.

Can you imagine blue cotton candy driving an expensive car? No. Can you imagine a handsome, rich man driving one? Yes! It's simple.

Fat elephants like Poopskabob should not be allowed to marry MY Edgey-boy. Anyway, back to the story. I was crouched in her car trunk, as the walking Popsicle muttered bad things to drivers under her breath.

When we finally arrived at her house, I was not impressed.

Just because it was a three story mansion with steel gates and a big courtyard, didn't mean that I liked it.

Sure, it was like in those cheesy movies when angels would appear and sing, but to me, it was just poo-like.

The mushroom headed, pregnant moose **(A/N: SixelaNinja, you'll would love this.)** over there unlocked the grand doors and walked inside the house. I straightened my back and a sickening crack pierced through the air.  
>I was amazed when I walked inside. Servants coursed through the house, carrying trays, brooms, and food.<p>

Don't mind me when I take some for myself. If I was a servant here...I got it! I went into the bedrooms, looked into the kitchen, stole some fancy food, went into bathrooms, and I crawled around the house until I reached a dingy closet with servant outfits lined on the racks.

I put one on and admired how nicely the outfit clung to my curves. Yes, I do have nice curves, thank you very much. I then stepped out, blending in.

"Can you make a phone call for Ms. Von Karma? She needs to attend to the precinct for some business. Will you call office and get an appointment for her?" A woman looked at me with curious eyes. She had a brownish, blondish hair that fell into her face in thin wisps.

"Who are you telling me, the Wendy Oldbag to work! I am the fiancée of Edgey-poo and I demand respect from you whipper-snapper!" I bit my lip, regretting what I said, obviously.

Let me interrupt my story real quick. I didn't think in this through properly. I'm not insane, though my therapist says otherwise...

Why don't I continue my story of shame.

"Um..." She looked at me weirdly.

"I'm sorry, but that is Lady von Karma's orders." I smirked, tightening the wrin- smooth skin around my mouth.

"Psh, Lady von Poopinhead suits her better." Her eyes became as wide as flying saucers that seemed to pop out of her head. She should probably see her doctor for that... Just saying.

"Fine." I crossed my arms defiantly. "I'll go help, Lady von Karma." I winced at the terrible words. _Shudder..._

It wasn't hard finding her room. It was like finding err... my full head of hair in the land of the bald.

Yup, just like that. Her room was a disgusting shade of pale blue. It had a huge bed on one side, velvet curtains, and a white carpet. Plain ugly. Sure, my room is a shade of orange, a tiny bed, no curtains and wood floors, but it was still prettier then this hunk of a room.

I went over to the phone next to the bed and dialed Edgey-poo's number.

I have it memorized, thank you very much. I mean, how can you not memorize your true love's number? I know everything about Edgey, from his address, favorite food, drink, suit, color, even his cousin's brother's wife's address. I know everything, but of course, I'm still trying to figure out his social security number.

I waited for my true love to pick up his phone.

I would pretend to be the talking, blue crayon over there and say something that would make Edgey hate that von Karma.

"Hello?" I almost fainted at the sound of his beautiful voice.

"Franziska, is that you?" "Er... Hello."

I wasn't sure what to say anymore. Have you ever called your love, pretending to be someone else?

I got all of my strength and said the worst thing I could think of. "Your hair smells like hippie mushrooms, wearing pants."** (A/N: That one's for you, Jay!)**

I am such a fail. Well, tomorrow is the last day of writing in this dumb diary. Wish me luck.

No love,  
>Wendy Oldbag<p>

**So this is the second to last day before the story ends. I wanted to thank every one of my readers, plus my awesome sister that supported me this whole journey!**

**See ya soon,**

**QTrain**


	6. Day Five: Part One

**Hi again! QTrain here. I'm super, super sorry that I couldn't have updated earlier. My family's been sick and I had my violin and piano testing that I needed to practice for, but I'm glad to be updating this right now! So enjoy!**

Phew, have these five days been one heck of an adventure. It seems that all I have done was make him hate me...

No. Wendy you are a star, a queen, a model! You can not back down. He loves you so much. He loves how hot and beautiful you are.

He's just in a denial stage. You are going to get your wedding in Africa. Also, you'll be able to laugh at the blue, frilly, walking tuna fish kabob.

You know, if tuna fish comes on kabobs. See, this is why I like talking to myself more than other people.

I really, really wanted you people to hear about my wedding.

Really.

I feel like after this long diary entry, I feel like I finally have those things called friends.

Psh, I've had friends before...a bunch! If you count my teacher... The point is, the whole wedding shebang was taking longer than I expected.

I just wished that Edgey would hurry up with the wedding. I can't wait forever. Literally.

Since I'm going to organize the wedding (without Edgey's approval) there needs to be a bunch of things done.

My dress, finding bridesmaids without having to tie them up and drag them to the wedding, tickets to Africa, getting rid of I-like-to-poo-a-lot-skabob, getting Mr. Oldbag to the wedding, and finally, finding people I don't despise to come to the wedding.

Oh man.

First step on the list, my dress. I've always wanted one of those puffy-sleeved ones that are like puffy cotton balls at the bottom.

Ugh, you know, the ones that if you flip over, the whole bottom part goes whoopty-doo. Yea, those. I have dreams of my fantasy wedding days, and I see myself in a bright, neon green one with red stripes.

Beautiful. Me in my dress, Edgey in his bright pink suit with big fluffy pants.

I wasn't sure where to get my designer clothing.

No one sells those anymore. I should know, I've visited all the wedding stores and have gotten every single weird look from clerks.

Why should I have to _actually _be in my twenties, thirties, or even forties to get married.

Getting married at my ancie-, I mean, young age is perfectly normal. At least I'm not a prune-whacker like that blue hair.

It wasn't like I had actual friends to go shopping with. It was a pretty clear vision for me. Edgey and I under the sunset in our beautiful suit and dresses, with an elephant as my bridesmaid.

There was only one person that I knew of in this entire universe that would actually help me with my wedding without thinking I was some chewy nutmeg bar.

Fine, I have to admit, she's as old as a bat, but she was my best option.

It was either her or the lady that looks like a constipated raccoon. Who would _you_ choose?

I walked up to the bat's apartment door. I think her name was actually Gertrude Bendou.

She had chalk white curly hair and skin as wrinkly as an elephant's tushy. Don't go around feeling bad for her.

Her mouth is as dirty as my shower drain, and that's saying something.

"Hi, Bertrude." I plastered on my most adorable smile and clasped my hands like a doll.

Man, did I feel stupid...

"Whatcha want, Oldbag and the name's Gertrude." She crossed her arms and sent me some daggers that could've swiped every curl straight off my head.

"Would you want to help me with my wedding?" I looked downward and waited for an answer.

I wouldn't want to look like a loner in the wedding store by myself.

"Why would I be dumb enough to do that?"

Gertrude could've been a gangster, I tell you that. Add a cap and baggy pants and voila! A gangster is born!

"Ummm... Tomatoes can be naturally fuzzy!"

…I have no words what so ever. Don't blame me, I get nervous when I'm stalling!

"...Interesting. How bout this. If I go with you, you don't talk to me bout cha hairy tomatoes, got it?

" I must've looked like an idiot the way I was smiling.

"_This _is the dress that you wanna wear?" I was surprised that she didn't like it.

I could've sworn that it was "in style" back in the 1700s when she was still "young".

Well, I thought it was the most beautiful thing in the whole world! It was a multi-colored, sparkly, neon dress that had ruffles all over the top. I know that wedding dresses are suppose to be white, but it was just so beautiful! **(A/N: I know that it said white before, but I wanted to make it even weirder!)**

The dress covered my head down to my every last smooth toe.

It had an open hole for my face to fit in and was covered in wrinkles and ruffles at the top until it reached around my hip, then it flowed smoothly to the ground.

I was like a walking flower.

I thought it was stunningly beautiful, while my stubborn dress shopping partner over here thought otherwise

* * *

><p>"It's ugly." Great way to start off a conversation, Pertrude.<p>

After I got her to shut up in the dress store, everything started again after we went to the shoe store.

I was so excited to be getting new high heeled wedding shoes! Hey, don't look at me strange, I can be a girl too, you know.

No reply is needed. Anyway, after walking by all the normal, non-ruffled shoes, I finally found the one for me!

They were definitely unique, that's for sure. They were like those sandals with Velcro, but they were high heels!

It wrapped around my ankle while leaving my heel open and the best part was, it had a big ruffled mess on the top! "Well, I think Edgey will like it."

"Thank you again, Gertrude. I will remember to invite you to me and Edgey-boy's wedding. They're only limited invitations left." I smiled happily, blushing with stars in my eyes.

Yeah, that's right, I have dreams.

"You know what, Wrinkly Bags? It's all good. I wouldn't wanna crowd things up."

See, I told you that she wanted to go. She was just being so considerate for choosing not to keep things spacious.

"That's so non-whipper-snapperish like! Choosing not to go for my sake." Gertrude whistled softly and looked away. "Yeah, that's it." And with that, she closed the door on the precious me.

Check! One thing done. I feel so proud of myself... This is why I'm amazing.

Next thing on the list, bridesmaids. Shoot is all I can say. I don't know what happened.

Back in the olden days, I was considered to be the prettiest girl with the prettiest hair. People don't appreciate beauty these days.

Since Gertrude had declined my wonderful offer, I had to find other desperate people that would be willing to attend my wedding.

Maybe it wouldn't be so hard.

This won't apply to rich spanka-yackers, but if you live in a senior center like mine, you're surrounded by old wrinkly prunes that don't have anything to do besides watching the box with moving pictures and play poker with their sagging cats. Sad, I know. I have way better things to do, following my one true love.

There are a lot of people in my building.

I'm lucky that I'm out of the building a lot.

If everyone like Gertrude knew who I was then they would all avoid me. I know that being the perfect me, it's hard to believe it, but I have always had the "go away" effect on people.

I just realized it. I know I'm already amazing the way I am, so it must be my new hair style.

That has to be it. If I'm perfect in my looks and in my inside, then it has to be my hair. Here's a tip: If you don't want to own up to your problems and you know that it's actually your fault, blame it on something else. Got it? Just a life lesson.

So on that note, I stalked out with all the frilly invitations in my hand.

**This was going to be a really long chapter. After all, Oldbag's getting married! I wanted to put something up so I will update what I predict will be the final chapter, but you never know. :) At the end, I'm going to put a long list of awesomely awesome people I wanted to thank that helped me along the way of this big journey so check that out too. And of course REVIEW! If you want to see something, I will try to incorporate it in. **

**Reviews inspire me to write, plus I get to know all you awesome people and get to know you guys better because I love to PM all my amazing readers!**

**Lots of Love,**

**QTrain**


	7. Day Five: Part Two

**Hi! I'm so glad that school's out and I can write a lot! The storie's almost over now with only one more part left. I hope you guys enjoy!**

"My my, Wendy Oldbag, darling, What are you up to these days, girl?"

Save me.

Let's have a little introduction here. This "darling" is Greddle McPoofinson.

I'll tell you something. That name didn't suit her.

It was like the toe nail clipping, von Farta and Miles oh-so-lovely Edgeworth.

They don't mix. Greddle was as skinny as my lips before I apply on my seven layers of lipstick.

Pale and skinny.

She has this accent that I can't stand. It's always, "Hey! Whatsup, girl? Blah blah blah, blahhh."

I swear, that was all I heard coming out of those lips.

"Oh my, a wedding in Africa? Sounds absolutely fabulicious! I would love to come, darling!" She accepted the invitations in her hand and puckered her lips while looking at them.

"Just text me all the deets, girlfriend!" I nodded quickly and left before I could hear her any more.

Shoot.

It was the only thing that ran through my mind.

I looked at the piles of frilly envelopes and planned out who I would go to. Greddle was off the list. Thank goodness.

There was Lady Staplar, Old man Bob, and the grumpy mushroom woman, Radish. I decided to the tackle them from worst to manageable.

That meant going to Radish. It's not just the fact that she is weird and spazzy, it is her slyness.

Whenever she has a plan, she would grab a mushroom from out of her apron and start fiddling with it.

Hey! Don't look at me like a fried chicken wing. If you saw her, you would think that it's crazy too. Sometimes i think that she grows mushrooms in her apron pocket.

"How are you, Wendy?" Don't get fooled by her "cloak" of normalness.

Underneath, it's like a little demon Franzishaka. "Psh," I snorted, rolling my beautiful eyes at her, "yea, I'm fine."

She looked at me and it seemed like the world fell asleep.

We just stood there while she stuck her hand into her pocket. She most likely thought that I was going to chuck a toothbrush at her or something.

"Here, I'm having a wedding in Africa and I want you to come."

Great. The mushrooms came.

She looked at me funny and twirled the red and yellow mushroom in her fingers.

"Hehe, Wendy. Looks like something is up."

"Nothing is up, Radish! What are you talking about?" She waved the mushroom in my face and laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.

"HAHAHAHAH you make me laugh so hard. Fine, I'll see if I can attend." Two down. "BOO-YA! WENDY OLDBAG STRIKES AGAIN!" I coughed and continued down the hallway.

Old man Bob wasn't just one of those crazy old men that you see in the films.

He had this beard that looks like a family of raccoons could live in it. Bob had one glass eye that seemed to pierce through you and a ball of hair on his head that flopped up and down.

It looked like it was ready to fall off any second. If you met him, you would want to keep your distance. Not only that, but he claimed to be a famous fish fighter.

They sure had strange jobs back in the 1600s when he was young.

I knocked on the door worriedly. As a "famous" fish fighter, he always had fish flying out of the door.

It had a funky fish scent around it.

"Oh, Oldsag, what brings you into my glory. I was just chopping some fish for dinner. Wocha!" He sliced the air so I shoved the invitation at him while he almost chopped it in half. I ran off after that.

I slumped down in my plush chair.

Gosh, I could not believe that I thought Lady Staplar was the most normal.

Anyway, as long as I got my wedding, I would be happy. Edgey would finally be mine.

"BUAHAHAHA!" "Wendy! Are you spazzing out again?"

I looked at the wall. Dumb Greddle. "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, GREDDLE!" Sheesh.

Now that the invites were all passed out, she needed to get the flight.

Couldn't be _that_ hard. I knew that Edgey had a private jet, but I decided to steal the credit card for some more luxurious clothing and skirts. I had to have fancy clothing to impress, you know.

After getting the credit card and private jet, things were all set.

The part I was looking forward to the best was just getting Edgey in the plane.

I loved to imagine it, me and Edgey-boy, relaxing, while he massaged my feet. Awwww... Beautiful.

I had an idea that was not too difficult. When I stol-borrowed his credit card, he was out of the house, so I packed everything for him.

All I needed to do was to board the plane with him.

At around 3:00 P.M, I snuck into his room and tied him up like a sushi roll.

It looked pretty appetizing to me. Luckily, he was a heavy sleeper. After getting into the plane, the real trip began.

**Thanks for everything! Hope you all review! Remember to PM me or leave a review. I love you guys!**

**Lots of Love,**

**QTrain**


	8. Day Five: Part Three

**Hi! So I'm super happy to be back. I'm brimming with joy right now! Anyway, here's the big finale!**

The plane was real decent. Perfect for the two of us. Edgeworth's husky style and my young and still rockin' it style.

So you see, this is the perfect piece of advice to those out there that love someone but can't have them.

Just tie them up and chuck em' in the plane. It's a pretty nice feeling of success.

Gosh, being twenty really takes its toll on you. My hand's cramping up. I'll write when it gets better.

I'm back.

Edgies' been conked out like usual. Miss Blue Pop back at home must be crying about Edgey.

I can picture it perfectly. Imagine this, a fluffy blue tomato is sitting at home crying out, "Oh Edgey! Why must the beautifully young, pretty, nice, fantabulous, wrinkle-free, smart, kind, smoking tuna hot, Wendy Oldbag be with my Edgeworth? Why? Why?"

Nice image, if I may say so myself.

Waking up my Edgey was like flipping a raccoon. It got nasty.

He snored and snored until I had to whack his beautiful face with a broom lying around.

"What in the world is happening? Nghhhh..." I fluttered my eyelashes and my cheeks burned with my fiery love for my Egdey-pop.

It was like someone hit him with an electrical wire. He spazzed alright. I smiled happily while he glared at me. The rest of the ride was one quiet one.

"Where _are_ we!" Edge-boy looked around confused. I wrapped my hands together and smiled endearingly. "Is this," He looked around at the wide plane of grass ahead with the animals roaming here and there, "Africa!"

"Ngohh, why did you bring me to Africa?" His face was evidently filled with love. It was like looking at a pool of hearts and cupids. It's our wedding! Edgey started pacing rapidly. That's how I like my men. Fast and handsome.

When you're in the middle of nowhere in Africa, you have to make use of what you have.

Basically that means, for all you young punk-o-watters, you pee in a hole and pick your ear with elephant hairs.

Yay... Well, when you're here for a wedding, it's a completely different story. It wasn't easy convincing him about doing the wedding ceremony.

It took a little bit of chasing him into the woods, but in the end it turned out well.

I promised that I would leave him alone after the wedding. You know that's not happening though.

I plan to chase that boy down until the ends of the world. But anywayyy, according to the "promise", I told him that we would do the ceremony in peace without his constant yapping and afterwards, I would never contact him again.

Ever.

Back to the wedding.

It's hard planning the wedding. I changed into my beautabulous dress behind a tree while Edgey changed somewhere else.

When I stepped outside, I ran and grabbed him tightly. "Oh, you look more handsome than my pet ostrich I used to own!" Edgey looked at me horrified and pushed me away. "Let's just get this over with."

Knowing me, the wedding was quite unique.

We were to ride into the sunset on elephants, hands clasping each other, and throwing flowers into the air.

Lemme give you a piece of advice. When you ride an elephant, make sure you know _how _to ride one.

As I climbed up using a tree, the elephant moved at the last second, making me jumping into a puddle of unknown substances. Edgey hadn't even come to save his wife! Meanie... I grabbed the elephant and mounted it again with no sucess

.  
>I'm not going to describe all my failures while on the elephant, but I'm going to write out what I looked like afterwards. It should give you enough to picture what happened. My dress turned brown and yellowish and I had a nest of branches, twigs, and worms on my head. I also lost my wig. At least I waxed my head before so it was shiny like an egg.<p>

"What happened to you?" I glared at Edgey, though he was too busy looking at my very fashionable, thank you very much, bald head.

"No worries, Edgey-poo. Just because some elephant ate my hair, I am very, VERY happy to be here." "How long is this going to take? I thought that your guests were going to arrive by now." Edgeworth must've given me the death look, but I took it as the loving, endearing kind of stare.

"Oh Wendy! Is that my little darling over there?" I sighed and pasted a smile on my face. "Greddle! Bob! Radish!" (Lady Staple couldn't make it. Was that her name?)

I waved my hands while Edgeworth turned around with a hopeful smile on his face.

"OMG girlll, this man of yours is sure something!" She smacked some blush on her face and fluttered her eyebrows.

"Excuse me, is this some kind of joke Oldb-" I stopped him quickly, placing a hand on his mouth.

"Nuh uh." Edgworth tightened his fists and strained out, "Honey. Is this some kind of joke, Honey?"

"Wendy, that man, Miles, did you bribe him?" Radish reached into her pocket took out the mushroom.

"Is that a mushroom?" Radish twirled around and faced Edgey-boy. "Yes, my little Miles. Would you like to boil it?" Edgey raised an eyebrow and started muttering to himself.

We decided to start the wedding after some...unnecessary talking.

I finally mounted the elephant and grasped Edgey's hand. After walking around, Edgey was going to seal the wedding by putting on the ring. He reached for my hand and...

"Stop, by the name of von Karma!" Franziska stepped out, into the middle of the the field, brandishing her whip.

I crawled off the elephant and walked to her with as much dignity I could possibly have.

"What are you doing here?" She smirked at me, raising her whip above her head. "Isn't it obvious, Ms. Oldbag? I am here to save my foolishly foolish little brother from you."

"So who's the babe?" Larry walked next to von Klutz.

"Urgg... I didn't know that you brought your grandma!" I walked right in front of him, glaring at him.

"I am his fiance, for your information." Larry moved around me and walked to Edgey, taking in his costume. "And I thought that you could pick up some real girls."

Before I could retort, Gumshoe, Phoenix, and Maya appeared.

"Oh great. Edgey, look who crashed our wedding."

"Why are you here?" Edgeworth examined them from head to toe.

"Gosh, Mr. Prosecutor. I knew that you were pink and frilly, but that's a new one, right Nick?" Maya bounced on her toes, gripping Phoenix's sleeve.

Franziska sighed and directed her glare at Edgeworth. "

Why are you here? I knew that you were very amateur, but I didn't know that this could happen."

Phoenix sat in one of the scattered chairs, examining Larry.

"My, beautiful, your legs are looking very splinter-free today." Larry sat on a chair, stroking its leg. I watched it from afar, feeling very sympathetic for the chair. At least it couldn't reject Larry _that _badly. "Mhmm... Phoenix! These hot dogs are tasting better than at the store down the street." He spared her a glance, nodding in response, then looking back at me.

"Miles, we must go now. I don't want to spend anymore time here."

Franziska kept tapping her foot at me. She shouldn't pull of that kind of attitude toward her elders, sheesh.

"Sir, we have to get home. I have to go to the store to buy some instant noodles for Maggey!"

Franziska lashed her whip at him while looking at me. My, was I that pretty? "And who are you?" Bob seemed to have lost it.

He slashed at the air, his hair flopping next to his ear.

Franzy stood straighter, resting a hand on her nonexistent knee.

"I am Franziska von Karma and I strive for nothing but perfection."

"Oh...so you're the 'whipper-snapper' that Wendy here speaks of." Bob walked away, while Phoenix stood up, ready with another lame joke.

"I thought of a great joke! I thought of it while watching Larry. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent." "..." Everything seemed to stop. Franziska lashed out at Phoenix, whipping him.

"What the heck was the foolish foolish fool of a joke?" "Sorry?" Phoenix attempted a weak laugh and shrugged away.

We were still arguing by the time Larry came up to us.

The other real guests had gone to eat, take a walk, or take a nap.

"I got dumped..."

Gumshoe gave him a sad smile. "Who was it this time, pal?"

Larry pointed at the chair. "It kicked me off."

"I can't stand this." Franziska marched and grabbed everyone (including me and my neighbors) back into a plane.

Well, that's all. I've run out of pages and I'm still washing poo out of my hair. The end of the story ends up in failure. I didn't get the wedding and my neighbors ignore me. Same old same old. I guess that it's the end of this diary. It was one heck of an adventure. I had fun writing it. Maybe I'll write an article of how to wax your head.

From,  
>Ms. Wendy Oldbag<p>

**I hope that you liked it. It's sad to see it end. I'm of course still improving, so I would love to see reviews and messages. I reply to PMs pretty quickly so feel free to do so!**

**QTrain**


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